Let’s face it. Marriage is not always easy. If I had to guess, I’d guess that you had to give of yourself more than once in the years of your marriage and you probably did things that you didn’t necessarily feel like doing. The question is, how was your attitude while you were going through the harder times? Did you drag your marriage down? or did you help to build it up?
When I was a young married girl, I didn’t realize the importance of building your spouse up. I would tear him down every chance I got. He couldn’t do anything right, except every now and then when he did something amazing. As I grew up and learned to really love and respect my husband, I learned how my husband needed encouragement and unconditional love. I learned to not speak badly of him in groups of people and to speak well of him to our children as well. Do I always do these things as I should? Not always. I’m definitely not perfect (although I’d like to think my husband thinks I am). I’ve caught myself on more than one occasion heading down that same old lonesome path of tearing my husband down, but thankfully, God has shown me the error of my ways.
Our wedding day, March 23, 1996
10 Ways to Encourage Your Husband
- Love Him Unconditionally – Do you let your husband know when he’s done something you don’t approve of? Do you yell and complain about all of his shortcomings? Don’t do it! Rather…hold your tongue and let him know you love him, regardless of what he’s done. I know what you’re thinking, “If I don’t chastise him for getting that speeding ticket, he’ll never learn”. Not so, my friend. He’ll learn. Even if it’s the hard way. He doesn’t need you to help him feel more like a failure than he already does.
- Never Speak Badly of Him – If you have a hard time not venting to your friends, do your husband and your friends a favor and quit. I know, sometimes it helps to talk things out when you’re struggling, but more times than not, your friends will steer you in the wrong direction and your relationship will suffer because of it. If you tell your friends all the bad, they will start to disrespect your husband and later on down the road when you’re through that hard stage, your friends will still hold a grudge against him. Save yourself some heart ache and don’t tell the bad. It will bless you in the future! [of course, I'm speaking in minor terms...if there are bigger things like physical abuse, it is important to tell someone and get help]
- Brag on Him in Public – Don’t we all love to be appreciated? All the better if someone says how wonderful we are in front of someone else. Our husbands respond so well to being bragged on. They feel loved and appreciated, making their hearts soar with love for you!
- Write Him a Love Note – Tell him all the many reasons that you love him. I did this for my husband once on our anniversary trip. He carried it around in his wallet for a while. There are many, many reasons to share with him why you love and appreciate him.
- Tell Him Why You’re Proud of Him – Sometimes our men don’t realize that we really do notice all of their hard work. Better yet, they don’t realize that we really are proud of them for everything they do for our families. I admit, I don’t do this nearly enough. We need to tell them! They won’t know unless we do!
- Buy Him a Gift, Just Because – Remember when you received flowers for no apparent reason? Didn’t that make you feel loved? appreciated? encouraged? Even if you never receive random gifts, realize that you do not have to do things with the hope of getting something in return. Do things because you love him and for no other reason.
- Make Him His Favorite Meal – Do you make all your favorite foods but never his? Do you only make his on birthdays? Plan to surprise him at least once a month if not more with one of his favorite meals, just because. You don’t need a special occasion to serve him what he loves to eat! You know what they say, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. :)
- Don’t Nag Him – Do you need to be nagged in order to get things done? Either does he! If you’re really concerned about something that you would like to see him doing, set aside a time to talk together and not criticize. Figure out how to say things without being critical and your relationship will flourish.
- Be Joyful – Nobody likes hanging around miserable people. When he comes home from work, do you give him a reason to look forward to coming home? or are you all doom and gloom? Think of ways you can be intentionally joyful throughout the day so that when he gets home, it will continue flowing out of you and onto him.
- Realize that just because you do nice things for him, doesn’t mean he has to do the same for you – Are you encouraging your spouse because you hope to get something out of it? I hope not. Encourage him because he’s the one you will spend the rest of your life with and you want him to know he is loved and cherished. Know that even if you don’t see him return the gestures of love and kindness, it is not going unnoticed. Realize that serving your husband is an act of obedience to God and He will bless you for it, even if your husband isn’t noticing.